While working on Gottverdammerung, my notes indicated I needed a quote from an earlier book in the series, Bouk 5, The Fawl ov Helloweez. As I began to search for it, I read this opening scene and was blown away. Were these my words?? This is not an uncommon experience for me, and thus I have come to understand that I do not write these verses. They write me. I'll let your imagination decide on the source of them. The following excerpt from Bouk 5 will point to my own opinion on that matter.
A bit of context: Bouk 4 is the story of Justinian and Theodora, and Bouk 5 is the story of Abelard and Heloise. In this scene we are in the liminal or transmigrant space between them, elevated to the perspective of Ertha and Elmallah. Thus, Theodora and Heloise are incarnations of Ertha, as Justinian and Abelard are incarnations of Elmallah, the messenger of God, come to lift up Ertha from her lowly place.
A note on the layout of the text: indents indicate the various voices. Elmallah's words are given one indent; Ertha, 2; Theyodorra, 4; comments, 5.
Swooning Allong the Kurvacherz
Theyodorra lay on her bed, benummd
Frum exxosten ov emoshennel diskor.
She lay with her armz krosst on her chest
Az she woud in deth, in a kase ov stone.
Ertha opend her eyz. She staerd
For a moment at the ultra-vilet globe
In wich she lay; a bewtafful pattern
Ov liets surrownding. "Starz," she reyaliezd.
Her etherek boddee pulst, florressen.
Beside her Elmallah stoud, louking down,
Werree, kompashen, joy in hiz eyz.
Theyodorra opend her eyz. Az if
The sunrize had not yet begun; the werld
Wuz blurd, shadoez hung like nietmaerz.
Az if thay wer smoke
Frum a smoldering fiyer... -- Levvel 1:1
Her thots drifted in konvolving eddeez.
Her miend in superpozing boddeez
Justinneyan stoud abuv her skowling.
He muevd and disappeered in the tennuwus lite.
Theyodorra, grippt with revulzhen and feer,
Lay, unnabel tu stir or make a sownd.
Hors, Ertha wisperd, "How kan this be?
"A moment aggo I had been abbandend
"Tu a werld, a prizzen, an opake boddee
"Huze bowndreez, huze wawlz koud not be breecht;
"A karben web that koud not be torn
"Withowt destroying the life it restraend."
"Ertha, Ertha, in mennee boddeez
"Livz the Sol ov the Lor and its hewman sensez.
"Az the siv filterz sand; az kurtenz kut lite;
"Az the boddee akts az a sheeth tu thot,
"Restrikting superpozing lievz and werldz;
"Yet eech filter iz permeyabbul.
"Yu ar still passing thru Theyodorra
"Tho her werld groez dim and her thots dizzolv
"In yur hiyer perseptenz, like salt in wotter.
"She iz not destroyed, but interleeving.
"And within Theyodorra dwellz Innonna,
"And within Innonna the dizzolved beingz
"Kannot be distingwisht frum your awtonommek self."
Haf heering, Ertha gaezd at Elmallah,
Joy and releef washing over her fase
Like waevz in tide run, a slow immersen.
Behind hiz eyz a spirel ov starz
Wer terning, surrownding hiz hed like a krown.
Az if she wer lasht tu her bed, arching,
Aggenst her roeps, straening, fureyus
Tossing her hed from side tu side,
Still Theyodorra koud not withstand
The tiedz, and sank beneeth the waevz.
The spirel ov starz irrezistablee spinz,
Owtstreching its armz in the dans ov ajez,
Behiend Elmallah, a jyant vortex
Sentering arownd hiz etherek shaedz.
"Yu hav alwayz been here," Ertha fienlee mermerd,
"Tho time had passt and yu wer gon.
"Now kumming tu see yur shape in awl shaeps
"Yur thot in awl Thot, yur luv that endorz.
"My yeerz allone have tellaskoept
"Tu a moment, have dissappeerd and ar gon,
"Like a grane ov salt dizzolvd in the see."
Tho the moshen ov the mereyad starz seemd randem,
Az Elmallah muevd, so thay tuu muevd,
A dimend korrona tu hiz silluwet;
Or perhaps it wuz he konforming tu the sky.
"I am alwayz being, I am always reterning,
"I am alwayz at thresh ov the Moment ov Bliss.
"Yu ar alwayz krying, yu ar alwayz dying
"Yu ar alwayz in need and rezisten my help.
"Wen I hoeld yu, yu fade intu annuther boddee.
"Wen I tuch yu, iz it assid, iz it ise I will feel?
"How kan I make yur prezzens harmonek?
"Wut yur eyz see, wut yur miend knoez,
"It chaenjez in yur alkemmekkel moodz."
"Not so! Yu ar kruwel! Yu meerlee make exkuse
"For yur lak ov luv for me and my werld.
"Yu hav kum heer, yu say, tu lift me up,
"Tu leed me owt ov my artiffis ov babbel,
"Tu press a messij intu my blud.
I will put my teaching into their inmost being,
and inscribe it upon their hearts.
-- Yermeyahu 31:33
"But du yu lift me, or am I raezd?
"A moment aggo I lay suspended
"In an ultra-marrene dome ov lite.
"Now it unjulaets in a brillyent arrorra,
"Fraktelling spirelz ov sinnabbar and goeld.
"Wut wuz wuns a sky, and meerlee a sky
"Had bekum an intrakket, dazzling mozayek,
"But now aggen it haz darkend and dulld."
In oppressiv sleep Theyodorra moend.
Swetting beneeth her velvet kwilts
She koud not wake up; she koud not even tern.
Like a distent sittee, seen long aggo,
Like a plase deskriebd in an aenshent powem,
Like a straenj land in a straenj dreem,
Ertha rememberd Theyodorra.
She shudderd and ternd bak tu Elmallah.
"Am I uther than wut yur Lor kreyated?
"Dizzolvd intu Naecher and fawlowing its kontorz
"I kling tu the freedem tu think and tu akt.
"And with that freedem I hav tryd tu chaenj
"A werld that iz harsh. Ware I hav faeld,
"The ellements prevael and I am tranzmuted;
"I am batterd; I am skarrd; I am klose tu ruwin.
"But in my struggel at leest I am free.
"And woud yu withhoeld my freedem tuu?"
"Wut iz the freedem that I mite withhoeld?
"Duz a meteyer taring thru the sky hav freedem?
"Duz the sun in its serkelz or the unrulee wind?
"Deskribe the freedem ov the timmid deer
"Hiding frum the woolf. Or the silent hunter
"Hungree and bending thru the bloing sno.
"And my oen krooked path inside this darkness...
"Tell me wut du yu need tu be free?
"Then tell me how I mite giv it tu yu."
"Doent tell me nuthing iz free in this werl!
"If that wer so, wy hav yu kum?
"I nevver konsidderd wy befor,
"But yu hav shoed me: Luv, Saekred Luv!
"Yu hav torn a vale frum akross my eyz,
"And my Sol haz opend tu a vast reflekten.
"This yu hav dun! Kreyated my purpos!
"Then you take it and say it wuz nevver thare!
"Duz the bee reflekt uppon hiz stashen
"And deside if he will gather hunnee?
"But the beeten dog may fienlee revolt
"And flee tu the forrest, tu be wield aggen.
"How much mor ar we made free,
"Hu kan speek with yu; hu kan hoeld yur luv?
"But now yu lay annutherz thots,
"Annutherz sinz intu my Sol,
"And say, This tuu iz yurz. And mor!'
"But I say, No! I will not karee!'
"Take this Theyonorra frum me!
"My steps ar not my oen enneemor.
"Like a mule yu lode me till I fawl."
"Ertha, wut yu say iz tru.
"Yu hav sed it tu me; I'll repeet it tu yu,
"And it will be like a bouk in yur Sol.
"In eech ov yur ajez yu will studdee a porshen
"Ov this treetis that I will kawl Yes and No.
(Note: in his incarnation as Abalard
this is a book he will write.)
"In eech ov yur ajez yu will diskuvver
"That yu ar not free, and yes yu ar.
"The werl iz like a vizhuwel trik:
"Yu kan see the staerwell az if frum abuv,
"Or frum belo wen yu bleenk yur eyz.
"Freedem iz but a twist ov perspektiv.
"Ware yu ar iz hard but fixt;
"Yur destinnaten iz wut iz at risk."
For moments and ajez Ertha ponderd; then:
"Ware tu Elmallah? And how?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment