On Filtered Lights: While saying the Sh'ma

Here is a poem that came to me last night that tries to convey the ineffable experience of transcendence. The poetry is followed by a prose translation in normal English:
Wile Sayen the Sh'ma, I Wuz Herd...

The full text can be found on Filtered Lights:
http://www.steveberer.com/work-in-progress/

but here's a taste:

Wile Sayen the Sh’ma, I Wuz Herd...

Yur evver waer iz this Ruwakh werl
But hu knoez the Ruwakh tu see it?

Yu wuz spaken a roer
That ar seemen a silens,
Tho Yur Proffets say iz a wisper
Evver wun heerz
But hu ar lissenz? Evver wun
Stanz so klose but stil too far....


While Saying the Sh’ma, I Heard...

You are everywhere in this Ruakh world but who knows the Ruakh to see it?

You who spoke in a roar that seemed like a silence, tho Your Prophets say it is a whisper everyone hears, but who is listening? Every one stands so close but still too far.

Yoma, stripped of notes and liturgy

In the previous 4 posts I presented the evolution of a poem, Yoma, from its first sketches to a "finished" expression (well, no poem is finished, but work may have ended on it). 

The last stage of the poem includes various embedded notes and Yom Kippur liturgy, which may significantly expand and enrich the vision of it, but at the same time, significantly complicates the reading. This is already a hard poem, 
1. written using the latest developments in Stevetok-metaEnglish, 
2. highly superimposed, and 
3. describing the esoteric-essential experience of Yom Kippur, that is, the experience of elevating oneself into the higher dimensions of reality, where the Divine stands at the edge of manifestation, so that one may see and judge oneself with the highest level of accuracy and honesty.

This is not easy listening.

So, here is the poem, stripped of its notes and liturgy. This is how it will first appear in The Atternen Juez Talen. It will appear again, later, edited, with notes and liturgy. In the version below, I leave in all the asterisks, showing where I have stripped out notes. You may want to refer to the complete version, after you've regained your balance in the poem's rarefied air, to see the notes, which I think add important information, especially the eka d'omray's. To that end, here's a link to the complete version:
Complete Version
and here's a link to the first Yoma post, with the original version, and more explanatory material, including what "eka d'omray" means.
Original Yoma Post

Yoma

Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,
Tu the gaten a liv an deth, the same.

Under thots an tulleets*, wavee in tents,
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor.
Hem expresshen ar dayz that we kan a volv,
Tu kwannaffy us on a waverree skael.
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
The differrenshelz, thay ar the skael.

Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom at the ej uv the C*.

Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
Unferrellen faeth intu Addomz tume*.
I faenlee see frinjen lite in the wawlz,
Slivverren Adenz* a pulsen my selz,
Refazen my thots. How thin we ar!
Az klose tu God az a seengerz* breth
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

Ware we be hoelden ar tumah seel,
Thaer we unfoelden ar lumen weengz
Tu span the turbolen skaelz uv us.
An now we ar reddee tu enter the Ark
That speken the Vois that spoken the werlz.
Momenten ajez, a skroel intu wun
Az this long morneeng iz neerlee dun.

Yoma, 4, complete

This brief but challenging poem is a highly superimposed text layering the nature of consciousness, quantum mechanical images, the theology of Yom Kippur, and the core liturgy for the morning of Yom Kippur (in italics).
Jump to Yoma 1, the first sketchout
Jump to Yoma 2, the first revision
Jump to Yoma 3, the second revision

Yoma

Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
                                                * that iz, Yoem Kepoor;
                                                   name uv traktate in Tawlmid on the toppek
                 Barruekh sheh’ummar, Bles Hem (hu speken the werlz)...
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,
Tu the gaten a liv an deth, the same.

                 Sellakh lahgoy kuddoesh, Forgiv the holee naeshen...
Under thots an tulleets*, wavee in tents,
                                                 * during standing praerz wun draeps a larj
                                                    praer shawl over the hed; see Jacob
                                                    Kramer’s paenting ‘Day of Atonement’
                 Uddoniy, seffuttiy teeftukh, 
                O Lor, open my lips (tu deklaer Yur praez)...
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor.
                 Ushumnu, We hav kum tu gilt...
Hem expresshen ar dayz that we kan a volv.
Tu kwannaffy us on a waverree skael.
                 Ul khaet shekhuttunnu, 
                For the sin uv ar sinnenz... 
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
The differrenshelz, thay ar the skael.

                 Hahyoem yekkuttaev, 
                Tuday, ar inskrieb (in liven deth)... 
Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom at the ej uv the C*.
                                                 * eka d’omray: ej uv the See

                 Nuh’arreetzekhah, We ar addor uv Yu...
Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
                                                 * robe/shrowd,
                                                   sumtiemz worn on Yoem Kepoor 
Unferrellen faeth intu Addomz tume*.
                                                 * eka d’omray: tumah, impyurattee
                 Zukhoer lunnu, Rememmer us... 
I faenlee see frinjen lite in the wawlz,
Slivverren Adenz* a pulsen my selz,
                                                 * Edenz 
Refazen my thots. How thin we ar!
                 Kee unnu ummekhah, For we, Yur pepelz... 
Az klose tu God az a seengerz* breth
                                                 * eka d’omray: feengerz 
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

                 Ul khaet shekhuttunnu, 
                For the sin uv ar sinnenz... 
Ware we be hoelden ar tumah seel,
Thaer we unfoelden ar lumen weengz
Tu span the turbolen skaelz uv us.

                Uvvenu Mawlkanu, ar Fother, ar Keeng 
An now we ar reddee tu enter the Ark
That speken the Vois that spoken the werlz.
Momenten ajez, a skroel intu wun
Az this long morneeng iz neerlee dun.


“eka d’omray”: this is a Talmudic term meaning “others say”, reflecting a disagreement among the sages, or a discrepancy in how texts or events are remembered. I use it to maintain alternative readings, and to amplify meanings.

Yoma, 3

Yoma, second significant rewrite. Here I have stripped out all the notes and most of the alternatives, to create a text that can be more easily read and critiqued. I leave the stars (*) to show where notes were stripped out.
Jump to Yoma 1, the first sketchout
Jump to Yoma 2, the first revision
Jump to Yoma 4, the completed version


Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,
Tu the gaten a liv an deth, the same.

With ar tulleet a tenten* in waverree feelz,
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor.
Hem expresshen ar dayz that we kan a volv,
Tu kwannaffy us, [ar (waez waevz werth) an ar][ossallaten a] skael.
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
The differrenshelz, thay ar the skael.

Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom at the ej uv the (See C)*.

Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
[Stan in the gloem uv]
               [Unferrellen (life faeth hope) intu] Addomz tume*.
Faentlee, frinjen uv lite in the wawlz,
Slivverren Adenz* that pulsen (theze ar) selz,
Reshapen ar thots. How thin we ar!
Az klose tu God az a feengerz* breth
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

Ware we be hoelden ar tumah seel.
Thaer (az we) unfoelden ar lumah weengz
Tu span the turbolen (See C skaelz) uv us.
An now we ar reddee tu (open(z) enter) the Ark
An (enter merjen speken) the Vois [that spoken the werl].
Momenten ajez, a skroel intu wun.
An then ar morneeng iz neerlee dun.

Yoma, 2

Here's the first significant rewrite of the poem Yoma, presented in the post Yoma, 1. As in that first post, letters, words, and phrases in quotes or brackets (and colored light red) are alternatives that I was juggling.
Jump to Yoma 1, the first sketchout
Jump to Yoma 3, the second revision
Jump to Yoma 4, the completed version


Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,

With ar tulleet a tenten* in waverree feelz,
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor
[Hem seez (an in the) mezherz the (werth skael) uv us]
    [Hem seez (an in the) mezherz an (valyuez skalen us]
    [Hem seez (an in the) mezherz ar ampeltuedz].
    [In ar waverree Seez Hem mezher us.]
    [Hem Seez for kwantaffy ar (waez waevz werth).]
(Hu Hem) expresshen ar dayz an we a volv it frum thaer.
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
[(The In) disparattee(z) [an despaer uv us.]
    [The differrenshelz ar the maetrex uv us.]
Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom *at the ej uv the (See C)*.
                        *-* eka d’omray: in the C uv God

Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
[Stan in the gloem uv]
                [Unferrellen (life faeth hope) intu] Addomz tume*,
                        * eka d’omray: tumah, impyurattee
[Gaten tu life an deth, the same,]
Az klose tu God az a feengerz* breth
                        * eka d’omray: seengerz
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

[(Thaer ar) prayen tu bild a brij]
                [Unberden ar seel an unfoelden weengz]
(Tu span)(Tu sael on) the (atternen turbolen) (breethen See C) uv us.
Momen an ajez, (ar watee werks)(now wun an the same),
(An (heer then so))(Until) the morneeng lite* iz (dun){weak}.                        * eka d’omray: pray

Yoma, 1

This post is the first of 4 in a progression showing the main steps in the evolution of the poem Yoma, from
1. its sketch in The Atternen Juez Talen, to
2. a significant rewrite [jump to this rewrite], then
3. a second significant rewrite [jump to this rewrite], and finally
4. the embedding of liturgical texts and explanatory notes. 
          [jump to completed version]
In reality, the process didn’t evolve like that. The original text in The Atternen Juez Talen included some explanatory notes. The first significant rewrite added more notes, and then later, liturgical excerpts from the ArtScroll Yom Kippur prayerbook. The second significant rewrite actually required my removing all the notes and liturgy, so I could appraise more easily the actual conceptual and literary flow of the poem. I have arranged the unpacking of the poem’s development in its current order to aid the reader, who, most likely, will find the final version rather complex and difficult to grasp as a whole, without first seeing the second rewrite version (step 3 in the list above), with notes and liturgy stripped out.

FYI, letters, words, and phrases in quotes or brackets (and colored light red) are alternatives that I was juggling. Actually I have removed a significant number of these alternatives to simplify the texts. When I am considering alternate words (or alternate suffixes) I place all of them in a single set of parentheses. When I am considering alternate phrases, I put each phrase in its own set of parentheses, or brackets if it’s a longer phrase.

Also, “eka d’omray” is a Talmudic term meaning “others say”, reflecting a disagreement among the sages, or a discrepancy in how texts or events were remembered. I use it to maintain alternative readings, and to amplify meanings.

Original version:

Now the Yoma*. Ar hevvennee assen(ts);
                     * Yoem Kepoor; name uv bouk in Tawlmid on the toppek
Begin (the in) (ar) deth-staten boddee an sens
Tu (the)  (klenzen klimen) (a) seel, holee a thot.
No (needen befogg(en ee)) (a) foodz, no [deziyerr(en ee) sex][(karnellee erj];
Stattes an munneez (left at the gaets)(havven no plase)(stript uv thaer meen).
With ar tulleet (drapen)(a tenten) over ar hed,
Faesles, (withowt)(stript ov) ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor
Hu seez an mezherz the werth uv us,
Him assinen ar (dayz daez) an we map it (on Hem)(frum thaer)
Then (mezherz wochen wayen) (wether how) we (lissen an serv)(map in on Hem).
Us, hu (livven)(enfoeld uv) this limmennel werl
Between (the ar) Addom (an Aden uv us)(an atternen Lief)
     (an the See a Lite)(an ar foton seel)(an the C uv us).

Eech uv us thaer liken hi preests
In ar kotten kittelz*, ar (dethee holee) (roebz shrowdz),
                 * robe uesd az shrowd; also worn on Yoem Kepoor
Standen (heer in)(in the gloem uv) Addomz (tume tumah),
Heer at Adenz (fiyerree impassabbel enshrowden) gaets,
[Gaten tu life an deth, the same,][The gaet a life az the gaet a deth,]
Az klose tu God az a (feengerz seengerz*) breth
                 * or eka d'omray both
[An az far awway az the Lor iz vast.][An yet a threshoel, hu kan (pas kros)?]
Thaer ar prayen tu bild a brij
Intu the atternen breth uv us.
Owwerz, ajez, ar hevvee werks
An then the shakhreet* (pray lite) iz dun.
                 * Heebru for morneeng

Yom HaShoah, 5773, 2013

I just completed the main editing of the last book of my Song ov Elmallahz Kumming. Bouk 6 it is, and it is the intermittent and often interrupted story of a Jewish woman who manages to survive during the era of European nazism.

For Yom HaShoah - the day the Holocaust is eulogized each year - perhaps this poem/prayer, one of the last poems in the book, may be appropriate. A poem/prayer like this runs the high risk of being maudlin, overdone, boring, or a re-hashing of a thousand other prayers, any of which would make it worse than useless. Therefore, I beg your indulgence, hoping you will be forthright if you feel all, or portions of this poem, should not see the light of day.

A Praer for Thoze in the Dust

I bow my hed and bend my neez
And bless the Gode ov Werldz
And with the Naemz that pass my lips
I rememmer thoze in the dust.

I rememmer the grate wunz, jeenyessez,
    Perfekt in kiendness and mersee,
    Abbowt hume we will nevver reed.
    Boeth werdz and deedz ar lost.
The brillyent men and wimmen ov letterz
    Huze thots, like sperets, kall at owwer dor.
    Them hu hav no handz to nok,
    And we withowt the eerz tu heer.
I rememmer the heroez hu stoud in battel
    Hu deklaemd the monglerz ov hate.
    Them hu publeklee resited prayerz,
    Or kreyated skoolz in the gettoez.
    Thay fell by bloez and nievz and shots.
    In the eevneeng, falls a little raen,
    And all thaer blud wuz washt awway.
    Thaer goudness opend like a portel tu hevven,
    Pathz now washt awway.
And du ennee paths tu hevven remaen?

For awl ov them I pray:
    Oh Gode hu werks beyond owwer time,
    For hume owwer spase is but a shaddo,
    Restor thoze addomz ov owwer holee wunz,
    Thoze addomz full ov Yur Prezzens.
    Embed them in owwer faented Soelz,
    That eech ov them inspiyer a thowzend,
    And we fulfill wut thay began.

    Blessed ar yu, o Lor owwer Gode
    Hu rememmerz thoze hu sleep in the dust.

Muriel Ginsberg - her life and death

I have not been able to write a eulogy, but these personal thoughts (2 poems) came to me for a matriarch departing, and now departed.

Muriel Ginsberg, Malka Yehudit, may her memory be a blessing. May Janna and all of Mrs. G's children, "step children," and friends be comforted among the mourners of Zion.

Verses to One of the Mighty Ones
                    13 Kislev, 5768
                    Shabbat Vayishlach

Dear Mrs. G.,
What do you see now,
From your high mountain crags?
     Those real mountain crags --
          Light and energy upthrusting
          Beyond the warmths of stone and blood,
          Of human loves and human wisdoms,
          On the vast edges of cascading star streams.
     Peaks rising out of the world's illusions.

You who are so present,
     Blood and touch and wisdom.
You who would speak in clarities so complex
     They sounded simple.
Like when you said to Janna's question,
     "What should I do now?"
          A cold day, and you said,
          "Wear a coat."
Such a perfect koan; such a volume of poetry
In three words.
     "Oh but really, mom!"
          "You're on your own now, baby."
Another koan that we'll unfold
     For the rest of our lives.

Is Ezekiel's chariot parked at your bedside,
Waiting for you to step aboard?
Or Elijah's wings spread above you,
     All 6 of them (or is it 60,000?),
     Refracting showers of spectral light,
          Blinding to us, so we can't look, can't see.
     Just about the right amount of light for you, now,
          As your strength and wisdom carry you
          Beyond your body, organs, tissues, cells, atoms,
          Infinitely small and infinitely large.
               You can understand that now.
               We can only say it in wonder.

Have I mentioned how awesome you are to us,
Both here and in the palaces beyond
     Where you have begun to dictate new Torah?
Have I mentioned that I am not crying, right this moment?
     I am too much in awe,
          As I watch you step with such strength
          Across the borders.
I will listen closely for you,
     From this side,
     As you teach me things no one else has taught.
          With all my love, I remain...


A Mighty One, Departed
                    28 Kislev, 5768
                    Shabbat Miketz

Now you have crossed over.

Storms, blown in from the sea,
Tore into us through the night.
Across the street a eucalyptus down
     Its roots turned up, a gaping hole.
Floods, and now the aftermath
     Debris and knee-deep muck.

I sit here stunned in my own wreckage,
     Bouts of violent weeping
And in its lee,
     Exhaustion, gaping empty.

Cavalier, so cavalier
I spoke about your journey
And all the awe I felt
At what you might yet see.

That you have taken flight, perhaps, is true.
But back on land
     A hole is dug that we must fill.
     Violent storms that scatter all our thoughts.
     Our halls pile up with each day’s new debris.
The clock ticks. How slow, how wearily.

And all my words, so cavalier,
Are now become my mockers and accusers.

From this I must rebuild again,
Among the ghosts of laughter
And the silences that once were full of prayers.

Spiritual Ascenders and those who drown in earth

Sitting in shul some years ago, I saw Lynn Greenhough praying, and then I saw this:

Drawing a Kerten

I saw a wouman rapt in her praer shawl
Leening aggens a wall, werd mermerz.
The shaddo frum her eyz astreek her fase,
A streemen ov teerz, a vort ov praerz.
Between her and the Divvine Prezzens
Oenlee a silk shawl separaten.

Her silken tullet*, aglint ov the lite           *praer shawl
Arrownd a Soel unkloken tu the Lor.

I saw a man hu haz lern wun thing:
     If he kloke hiz Soel, he kan hide frum the Prezzen.
     He kan hide in the Prezzen, and justis will be bliend.
Kloekt in the vaelz ov Ertha he travvael,
Exxempt frum reproof, vale uppon vaelz.

He kareed hiz Soel down tu Addom,
Kloking ov lite in the dens shaddoez.
Mor he hiedz, afrayen hiz Soel
Till it thredbare and seesez tu exxist.

We ar born naked,
But we kan hide ower Soelz tu deth.

But thoze hu begin tu leev the vaelenz,
Assending the ladderz with Yakoevz aenjelz,
Thay hav bin kalld, Preestlee Wunz.
Deziyer tu be tranzparen in the Prezzens,
Thaer Soel a lenz tu a lite.

I saw her, rapt in her tullet, weeping,
Divvine Pressens astreek with shaedz.

From: Ammung the Ruwenz ov the Tempel, I Herd...

I have always felt that everything that can be known, is revealed in the waves of the ocean...

Open Wun Skroel, Enter the Ferst Wave
               Shabbat Pesukh khoel Ha-mowaed 5760
               Shakhreet Shemmona Esray

And then I kame tu the Grate See.
And the darkness in the forres
Reseeded intu oek shrub
And yello flowwer brume.
Then sharp ej beech grass rubbd my shinz,
And the roer ov brakerz washt akross my fase.

My foutprints krosst the beech in her singing,
Her armz spred wide with fraktel pattern tallit*.
               *shawl; sandz
She dessendz and the wotterz rize up tu her,
Erasing the kruwelteez that hav echt thaer furroez
Intu her fase. Re-riets her histerree evree momen.
Unkovverz her seel in salm an immerzhen.

I lay with her, lips tu her lips,
Brest tu my brest; the shape ov my boddee
Imprest in her Soel, an expans ov sand.
The see sang its versez tu me by thowzendz,
Wave after wave, vers after vers,
Storee after storee, letter after letter,
Era after era, the brakerz the song,
Reveeled tu eech Soel and tu all the werldz,
And hu evver iz reddee tu approech tu lissen.

I gaezd on the skroelz unroeling befor me
Trying tu interpret thaer infinnit voise.
Eech skroel az it opend reveeld ferther skroelz,
Eech werd expanding tu hewman lievz,
Eech skroel re-roeling and klozing at my feet,
Swerling a foming arrownd my aenkelz.

I reecht down tu gather and lift up a handful.
Between my feengerz a dimend kaskade.
I splash my fase, senshuwus and koeld.

The songz kaskaden; thay rize and re-spirel,
And I, huze steps will be eraest frum the beech,
Konkluden my praerz, I steppt back and bow.