Yoma, 3

Yoma, second significant rewrite. Here I have stripped out all the notes and most of the alternatives, to create a text that can be more easily read and critiqued. I leave the stars (*) to show where notes were stripped out.
Jump to Yoma 1, the first sketchout
Jump to Yoma 2, the first revision
Jump to Yoma 4, the completed version


Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,
Tu the gaten a liv an deth, the same.

With ar tulleet a tenten* in waverree feelz,
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor.
Hem expresshen ar dayz that we kan a volv,
Tu kwannaffy us, [ar (waez waevz werth) an ar][ossallaten a] skael.
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
The differrenshelz, thay ar the skael.

Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom at the ej uv the (See C)*.

Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
[Stan in the gloem uv]
               [Unferrellen (life faeth hope) intu] Addomz tume*.
Faentlee, frinjen uv lite in the wawlz,
Slivverren Adenz* that pulsen (theze ar) selz,
Reshapen ar thots. How thin we ar!
Az klose tu God az a feengerz* breth
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

Ware we be hoelden ar tumah seel.
Thaer (az we) unfoelden ar lumah weengz
Tu span the turbolen (See C skaelz) uv us.
An now we ar reddee tu (open(z) enter) the Ark
An (enter merjen speken) the Vois [that spoken the werl].
Momenten ajez, a skroel intu wun.
An then ar morneeng iz neerlee dun.

Yoma, 2

Here's the first significant rewrite of the poem Yoma, presented in the post Yoma, 1. As in that first post, letters, words, and phrases in quotes or brackets (and colored light red) are alternatives that I was juggling.
Jump to Yoma 1, the first sketchout
Jump to Yoma 3, the second revision
Jump to Yoma 4, the completed version


Now the Yoma* uv hevvennee assents;
Beyonden ar Addom an the driven ergz,

With ar tulleet a tenten* in waverree feelz,
Faesles, stript ov ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor
[Hem seez (an in the) mezherz the (werth skael) uv us]
    [Hem seez (an in the) mezherz an (valyuez skalen us]
    [Hem seez (an in the) mezherz ar ampeltuedz].
    [In ar waverree Seez Hem mezher us.]
    [Hem Seez for kwantaffy ar (waez waevz werth).]
(Hu Hem) expresshen ar dayz an we a volv it frum thaer.
The mappen uv Hem an the mappen uv us:
[(The In) disparattee(z) [an despaer uv us.]
    [The differrenshelz ar the maetrex uv us.]
Us, an enfoeld uv this limmennel werl
Uppon ar Addom *at the ej uv the (See C)*.
                        *-* eka d’omray: in the C uv God

Liken hi preesten we stan in this ej
In ar kotten kittelz* an a shrowd a deth,
[Stan in the gloem uv]
                [Unferrellen (life faeth hope) intu] Addomz tume*,
                        * eka d’omray: tumah, impyurattee
[Gaten tu life an deth, the same,]
Az klose tu God az a feengerz* breth
                        * eka d’omray: seengerz
An az far awway, an the Lor iz vast!

[(Thaer ar) prayen tu bild a brij]
                [Unberden ar seel an unfoelden weengz]
(Tu span)(Tu sael on) the (atternen turbolen) (breethen See C) uv us.
Momen an ajez, (ar watee werks)(now wun an the same),
(An (heer then so))(Until) the morneeng lite* iz (dun){weak}.                        * eka d’omray: pray

Yoma, 1

This post is the first of 4 in a progression showing the main steps in the evolution of the poem Yoma, from
1. its sketch in The Atternen Juez Talen, to
2. a significant rewrite [jump to this rewrite], then
3. a second significant rewrite [jump to this rewrite], and finally
4. the embedding of liturgical texts and explanatory notes. 
          [jump to completed version]
In reality, the process didn’t evolve like that. The original text in The Atternen Juez Talen included some explanatory notes. The first significant rewrite added more notes, and then later, liturgical excerpts from the ArtScroll Yom Kippur prayerbook. The second significant rewrite actually required my removing all the notes and liturgy, so I could appraise more easily the actual conceptual and literary flow of the poem. I have arranged the unpacking of the poem’s development in its current order to aid the reader, who, most likely, will find the final version rather complex and difficult to grasp as a whole, without first seeing the second rewrite version (step 3 in the list above), with notes and liturgy stripped out.

FYI, letters, words, and phrases in quotes or brackets (and colored light red) are alternatives that I was juggling. Actually I have removed a significant number of these alternatives to simplify the texts. When I am considering alternate words (or alternate suffixes) I place all of them in a single set of parentheses. When I am considering alternate phrases, I put each phrase in its own set of parentheses, or brackets if it’s a longer phrase.

Also, “eka d’omray” is a Talmudic term meaning “others say”, reflecting a disagreement among the sages, or a discrepancy in how texts or events were remembered. I use it to maintain alternative readings, and to amplify meanings.

Original version:

Now the Yoma*. Ar hevvennee assen(ts);
                     * Yoem Kepoor; name uv bouk in Tawlmid on the toppek
Begin (the in) (ar) deth-staten boddee an sens
Tu (the)  (klenzen klimen) (a) seel, holee a thot.
No (needen befogg(en ee)) (a) foodz, no [deziyerr(en ee) sex][(karnellee erj];
Stattes an munneez (left at the gaets)(havven no plase)(stript uv thaer meen).
With ar tulleet (drapen)(a tenten) over ar hed,
Faesles, (withowt)(stript ov) ar boddee a pride,
Thaer we stanz befor ar Lor
Hu seez an mezherz the werth uv us,
Him assinen ar (dayz daez) an we map it (on Hem)(frum thaer)
Then (mezherz wochen wayen) (wether how) we (lissen an serv)(map in on Hem).
Us, hu (livven)(enfoeld uv) this limmennel werl
Between (the ar) Addom (an Aden uv us)(an atternen Lief)
     (an the See a Lite)(an ar foton seel)(an the C uv us).

Eech uv us thaer liken hi preests
In ar kotten kittelz*, ar (dethee holee) (roebz shrowdz),
                 * robe uesd az shrowd; also worn on Yoem Kepoor
Standen (heer in)(in the gloem uv) Addomz (tume tumah),
Heer at Adenz (fiyerree impassabbel enshrowden) gaets,
[Gaten tu life an deth, the same,][The gaet a life az the gaet a deth,]
Az klose tu God az a (feengerz seengerz*) breth
                 * or eka d'omray both
[An az far awway az the Lor iz vast.][An yet a threshoel, hu kan (pas kros)?]
Thaer ar prayen tu bild a brij
Intu the atternen breth uv us.
Owwerz, ajez, ar hevvee werks
An then the shakhreet* (pray lite) iz dun.
                 * Heebru for morneeng

from Prolegomena to a New Spiritual Psychology

This is an excerpt from an essay I'm working on entitled Prolegomena to a New Spiritual Psychology. It is divided into a number of sections, including:
1. On perfectibility
2. Sensing the Divine
3. Knowing where we stand
4. What is faith?
5. On how we can discern our genomic nature?

This excerpt comes from the last section. Your critical feedback will be of great value to me.

Human institutions are the measure of our inherent, genomic values. They are the projection of the structures of our souls/consciousness/ phylogenic inheritance.  Categorizing those structures, those institutions, will help us see what our essential nature is, what I’ll call our genomic nature/essence/structure.

The primary institutions I am thinking of are religious and political, expressing our need for power, order, and meaning. Those institutions have created constitutions, canonical documents, and/or oral traditions. If we superimpose those canonical narratives and values over each other, we are able to ascertain the core narratives, the genomic essence of our laws. We will discern the ethics that define us all, that define our archetypes, our stereotypes, the core truth of us. This I call the organic view, a top down view, a deductive view, in which the individual is a minor variation in the genome.

Looking in the opposite way, from bottom up, from the individual towards the genome, an inductive view that observes the minute variations of the individual as it deviates from or conforms to the genome, this I will call the atomistic view. This is the view that characterizes much of modernism and post-modernism, thru deconstructionism, evolving out of the philosophy of the Enlightenment, the politics of American democracy, and ironically*, Marxist philosophy, tending towards an anti-institutional stance and world view.

* I say that it is ironic that Marxist ideology supports the atomistic view because Marxism itself postulates a dominating role for central government. To this end its historical implementations have been anti-enlightenment, suppressing both the individual and non-institutional narratives. However, in its status as a minority opposition, it takes on a counter-institutional, Enlightenment stance!

The virtue of the organic view is that the genotype, the genomic essence is easily and fairly clearly derived, unobscured by atomistic variations. Shortly we will explore this as a methodology to derive conclusions about human genotypes, such as universal moral values. The virtue of the atomistic view is that it allows us to study and give value to individual variation. Developing this perspective as a methodology allows us to critique both institutions and individual narratives to discern where they fail and where they succeed.

The corollary to the above virtues is that the organic view will serve very poorly as a means to study the individual, and the atomistic view will serve very poorly at understanding archetypes and fundamental structures.

Indeed, both these views have often been used to draw conclusions where their knowledgebase is least qualified to do so. Thus, governments and religious institutions have suppressed minority and individual voices/narratives for the sake of maintaining authority and control, thus extinguishing information and knowledge and creativity, and destabilizing their ecological diversity and vitality. Equally destructive, atomistic thinking is incapable of discerning any inherent and defining structures in the profusion of individual perspectives. Thus, we have seen gulags, inquisitions, jihad, and death camps justified by institutions and their dogmas, and we have seen revolution, anarchy, the dissolution of individual worth, and the rejection of moral constraint, justified by ideologies based on relativism and egoism.

We now know that all the individual physical variations in the human species are the product of variation in less than 0.5% of the human physical genome*. While we are still unable to trace any links between the physical genome and human thought (indeed, we don’t even know what human thought is!), we can see quite clearly that well over 99% of the human physical genome is invariant, with the variation bell-curving narrowly away from the 99% mean, so with human thought, we are dominated by concerns, needs, and ideas that are as invariant as the 99+% of our physical genome.

* eg Wikipedia article “Human genetic variation”, where it says, “Genetic variation among humans occurs on many scales, from gross alterations in the human karyotype to single nucleotide changes.[6] Nucleotide diversity is the average proportion of nucleotides that differ between two individuals. The human nucleotide diversity is estimated to be 0.1%[7] to 0.4% of base pairs.[8]”
[6] Kidd, JM; et al. (2008). "Mapping and sequencing of structural variation from eight human genomes". Nature 453 (7191): 56–64. Bibcode:2008Natur.453...56K. doi:10.1038/nature06862. PMC 2424287. PMID 18451855.
[7] a b Jorde, LB; Wooding, SP (2004). "Genetic variation, classification and 'race'". Nature Genetics 36 (11s): S28–33. doi:10.1038/ng1435. PMID 15508000.
[8] a b Tishkoff, SA; Kidd, KK (2004). "Implications of biogeography of human populations for 'race' and medicine". Nature Genetics 36 (11s): S21–7. doi:10.1038/ng1438. PMID 15507999.

While from an atomistic point of view we appear, as individuals, to be unique and strikingly different, in both physical and mental manifestations, yet in fact, when observed organically we can see how minute our individual variations truly are.

So let me say again, just as we cannot trust the organic view (and most institutions) to properly value and protect individual variation, so we cannot trust the atomistic view to properly weigh and promote genomic (universal) standards.

2 poetry titles now live and for sale!

After many months of work, I have completed all the audio, image, and video production for my latest ebook, The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1. If you've visited this site in the last 6 months, no doubt you've seen some of the work as it evolved.

Now, after a 2 day crush of work, I put it all together into an ebook, and the book is now live and for sale at my publisher's site, The Vook Store. As a sort of bonus, a book I published earlier thru Vook, but which got caught in a glitch and remained stuck in the pipeline until today, The Atternen Jewz Talen, Era 1, is also now live and available at The Vook Store.

Here are the links, and after that, brief book descriptions. The books are $4.99 each, the price of, what, a latte? So buy them and enjoy them for many hours and years! Maybe they'll even change your life (and for the sake of full disclosure, that's my intention).

The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1:
http://store.vook.com/storefronts/book/the-song-ov-elmallahz-kumming-bouk-1.html#.Ubt8kZxaY8A


The Atternen Jewz Talen, Era 1:
http://store.vook.com/storefronts/book/the-atternen-jewz-talen-era-1.html#.UbtynZxaY8A

All of Vook's poetry titles:
http://store.vook.com/storefronts/book/?bisac_subject=Poetry

A brief description of The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1:
The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming is a long narrative poem in 6 books. In this, the first book, Elmallah, a divine messenger, is sent to Ertha to awaken her. Although she dwells as a shadow in a shadowy wilderness, Elmallah is instructed to liberate her latent beauty, power, and desire. In the process, attracted by her beauty, Elmallah loses his way in her world.
The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming is the epic story of the man of God whose heart is captured by the one he is sent to redeem.
The ebook is illustrated by me, and enhanced with audio of the poem being read, and 3 short videos of text and image. Earlier in my career I produced illuminated manuscripts. Now I am trying to bring that kind of graphic skill and elegance to my electronic books.

A brief description of The Atternen Jewz Talen, Era 1:
This book contains the opening pages of the diaries of the Eternal Jew (aka the Wandering Jew). In the opening scene he describes Jerusalem in his youth, as it was in 30 CE. He then recounts his meeting with a revolutionary named Jesus. Realizing he has left out some critical information, he turns back to the origins of humanity, telling what he knows about those early days.
This is not the Eternal Jew you might have heard about from unreliable or hate-mongering sources. He is a wise and engaging fellow, proudly Jewish, with a biting wit, and a wry but mystical view of worldly events and his place in them.
The story is told in two versions. The original text is an altered English where words and ideas morph, one into another, using a strictly phonetic spelling. To help the reader, however, a translation into standard English follows each stanza. As a further help, each stanza is followed by an embedded reading, so one can listen to the story, and read along at the same time.
The story is further enriched by beautiful graphics, and selected scans taken directly from the author’s notebooks. The final chapter of the book is a collection of useful source material and links for further study and exploration.

Alkemmek Man and Chaenjing Fasez

I've just finished the last two big pieces that will accompany the poetic text for my soon-to-be published ebook, The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1.
Here is a 30 second extended moment of Elmallah, the messenger of the Lor, experiencing the existential crisis of human thought and emotion, as he descends from his heavens into Ertha. It is entitled, Alkemmek Man, Storm ov Ertha:

And this silent, 12 second video, shows two of the multiple, superposing identities of Ertha, as they morph states. It is entitled Chaenjing Fasez:

Her Divvine Apparritten

As I close in on completing the audio (done), images (almost done), and videos (I *think* I'm done) for the ebook version of The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1, I completed this image last night, Her Divvine Apparritten. If you have been following these posts, you'll recognize the 3 portraits that I have used to convey Ertha's emerging personality. They have appeared in a number of images. The intention is to build narrative continuity in the imagery, and to help visualize and build boundaries for the panoramic sweep of the poetry. This particular image accompanies these lines:

I saw theez events, in meerriyadz, flicker
Like sellz that form the hewman boddee,
Lievz and moments in korrona ov Ertha
Forming her Divvine Apparritten.

Her Alkemmek Boddee, 2

After completing the image posted on May 6, entitled Her Alkemmek Boddee, I began to experiment, trying to elevate the image so that it would convey a more out-of-body, or spiritual body experience. Here are 8 versions. The first 5 are fairly similar. If you like any of them I'd love to hear which one(s). I've numbered them for your convenience.

1. 

 2.

 3.

 4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

Her Alkemmek Boddee

Moving forward with Bouk 1, the following excerpt, stanzas 7-9, describes some of Elmallah's first impressions of Ertha. Below the poetry is the accompanying image for the book.

Astonnisht, my eyz saw intu her miend
                Beyond her minewt fabrek ov nervz
                That bownd her sensez
                In a dust-brown skin:
        Intu the spektrum
        Ov evree deziyer poring frum her loinz;
        Intu the prizzemz sparkling and pulsing
        With ideyaz arrownd her hed;
        Intu the intermixxing hewz ov need--
        Tenderness, kruwaltee, feer, aggressen--
        Mingelling beneeth her tranzlusent fase,
        Sentering eech in a chamber ov her miend.
   
                Arrownd her hed the lite
                Like flamez in the wake
                Surrownding a meteyor;
                Within her eyz, like a spray ov sparks
                Poring frum an overstoekt brik kiln.
                Evree thot and ideya
                Adding kuller tu her vizzij
                Az it touk shape in the glume.
       
                I saw shaddoez por owt ov her vajjina
                Like silveree dolfinz leeping frum the see,
                Like a minnotawr reering in nu fownd freedem
                And shaking hiz fureyus hed.

 

Some pics of the Air and Space Museum

One of the many awe-inspiring museums under the Smithsonian umbrella is the Air and Space Museum. Here are a few pictures. They're pretty hi-res, so I apologize if they load slowly:

Arrownd her klay silluwet, 5; complete

I have completed my planned series of images for the the opening scenes of The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1. Here they are: 3 individual portraits of Ertha, a composite portrait of Ertha, and a composite portrait representing Arrownd her klay silluwet.

Ertha on first appearance:

 
Ertha, ashamed, or modest:

Ertha in her becoming:

Ertha, a psychological portrait:

Arrownd her klay silluwet:

Yom HaShoah, 5773, #2

Below you will find 2 poems. The first, Derj ov a Notsee (Dirge of a Nazi) is fairly close to the original, written many years ago, and found in my Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 6. The second, Dethsong ov a Notsee, is sort of a doppelganger to the first, emerging as I edited and re-visioned the original. They now stand together in the manuscript, and are followed by the poem/prayer I posted on April 10 for Yom HaShoah. Perhaps they stand as a 3-part suite. As ever, your critique is welcome and desired.

Derj ov a Notsee

Uppon my gut strecht tite, this song
Iz playd in aggonee and fraetful dreem
Tu the Jewish God hu redeemz the week:

By day I kried aggenst Yu;
At nite I stoud aggast in my plase.
My life I bilt, morter and trowl,
Like a masen skillfulee layeeng hiz roez.
My Sole I kaerfulee konfiend in sin,
Layer on layer, blok after blok.

Arrownd me I am konstrukted a tume.
I kownted eech blok;
I am awware ov awl I hav dun.

I bilt a skaffoeld ov merder
But I lost the faeth tu klime it.
I hav lost the will tu kontinnew this triel.
Tho kawlen aggen for annuther blok,
I am tuu week tu muve it.
Iz this wut it meenz tu be ded?
Utherz bild tu annunther werld,
But me, I am ded alreddee.

But I am not slaen.
For then I mite entiyerlee sees
And nutheeng ov me remaen.
Insted, I dekay in a wakeeng dreem,
The sellz ov my boddee,
A korrus ov fyureez and ravenz.
Layer on layer abbuv my hed.
This, my rath, iz enklozen me;
I doent see a way tu be free.


Dethsong ov a Notsee

Tu that Jewish God,
That God ov lite,
He, hu we sot tu overthro.

Uppon my gut strecht tite, this song
Iz playn, it seengen thru my sellz:

By day I fite owwer wor aggenst Yu,
Followeeng kaerfullee laed owt planz.
I, a masen layeeng my roez,
Prowd and streng in my laberz.
But at nite I stand aggast in my plase,
Akkuesd ov sinz unnaemd.

My formen ashor me awl iz well
Az I bild battelments over my hed.
Duweeng my dutee, I kownt eech blok;
I am awware ov awl I hav dun
And I am toeld ware my werk will leed.

I bilt a skaffoeld abbuv my hed.
But at nite I lak the strenth tu klime.
I kawl aggen for the next blok
But I am tuu week to hoeld it.
Wy du I lak the strenth tu klime?
Utherz klime tu thaer nu life,
But me, I choek. I cannot breeth.

O, how I dred this niettime.
Awl my bildung, it louks like klodz
Ov klay dug up and ternd by a plow.
Will nun ov my werk remaen?
Will this niettime nevver end?

Donz the day and I waken frum dreem
But I kannot rize enneemor.
Awl my werk iz kolaps on me.
An immens kaern ov broken bloks
Iz krush the aer frum my lungz.

Now I see ware my werk iz led.
Evree sell ov my boddee is a blok,
Krushen me with thaer waet.
Evree stone iz a skreemen kers.
This, the song that iz made ov me
Wile I must krush eech stone tu dust.
But will I then fiend lite?

Arrownd her klay silluwet, 4

I continue to work on my ebook version of The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1. I had expected it would be a simple project, quickly completed, since this first book in the series is but 10 pages long. However, I then decided to take advantage of the expanded features available to ebooks. Specifically, I chose to create illustrations for it, lay in audio of the verses, and even produce a few short video impressions of scenes and ideas. And thus a 2 week project has extended out into many months.

Since January 31, most of the posts on this blog have been devoted to experiments and completed images I have produced as I develop the ebook. This is the 4th in a series of images I have been working on for one scene which includes the line “Arrownd her klay silluwet....”

In this post I present 5 images I developed of a nude. Actually, I produced about 15 or 20 versions of this image after I created the basic foundation. These are my 5 favorites. One of them will become one of 4 layers that will comprise the image “Arrownd her klay silluwet.”

Yom HaShoah, 5773, 2013

I just completed the main editing of the last book of my Song ov Elmallahz Kumming. Bouk 6 it is, and it is the intermittent and often interrupted story of a Jewish woman who manages to survive during the era of European nazism.

For Yom HaShoah - the day the Holocaust is eulogized each year - perhaps this poem/prayer, one of the last poems in the book, may be appropriate. A poem/prayer like this runs the high risk of being maudlin, overdone, boring, or a re-hashing of a thousand other prayers, any of which would make it worse than useless. Therefore, I beg your indulgence, hoping you will be forthright if you feel all, or portions of this poem, should not see the light of day.

A Praer for Thoze in the Dust

I bow my hed and bend my neez
And bless the Gode ov Werldz
And with the Naemz that pass my lips
I rememmer thoze in the dust.

I rememmer the grate wunz, jeenyessez,
    Perfekt in kiendness and mersee,
    Abbowt hume we will nevver reed.
    Boeth werdz and deedz ar lost.
The brillyent men and wimmen ov letterz
    Huze thots, like sperets, kall at owwer dor.
    Them hu hav no handz to nok,
    And we withowt the eerz tu heer.
I rememmer the heroez hu stoud in battel
    Hu deklaemd the monglerz ov hate.
    Them hu publeklee resited prayerz,
    Or kreyated skoolz in the gettoez.
    Thay fell by bloez and nievz and shots.
    In the eevneeng, falls a little raen,
    And all thaer blud wuz washt awway.
    Thaer goudness opend like a portel tu hevven,
    Pathz now washt awway.
And du ennee paths tu hevven remaen?

For awl ov them I pray:
    Oh Gode hu werks beyond owwer time,
    For hume owwer spase is but a shaddo,
    Restor thoze addomz ov owwer holee wunz,
    Thoze addomz full ov Yur Prezzens.
    Embed them in owwer faented Soelz,
    That eech ov them inspiyer a thowzend,
    And we fulfill wut thay began.

    Blessed ar yu, o Lor owwer Gode
    Hu rememmerz thoze hu sleep in the dust.

Arrownd her klay silluwet, 3

Working on the uppermost layer of the image to illustrate the stanzas from The Song ov Elmallahz Kumming, Bouk 1, with the line "arrownd her klay silluwet" embedded in them, I have created the following images.
Each of the layers in the completed (multi-layer) image will be reused, as part of an on-going image-narrative that evolves in a parallel manner with the poem's narrative.